~~~~~Khuda~~~~~

Usey sannata kaho ya khamoshi

Ya dard kaho ke udaasi

Jo chaye aur dhudli karde dhadkan

Phir aisi koi awaaz aisi dhun

Ban jaye cheerke nikalte suraj ke kiran

Ab ise kaho dawa ya marham

Ya kaho ise Dua ya sanam

- Sruti Meher

Just Curious:)

          

 Today I begin writing this post with no agenda, no plan and no 'topic', if you please. 'If you please'...let us take it from that phrase. If I begin to think about all the things I do through out my day, they are mostly to please someone, be it family, friends or sometimes to please myself. That, which has been fondly coined as 'me-time'. But at the end of the day, that is also an effort to please, oneself nevertheless.

  So, say I do not want to do anything with an intention to please or with an agenda to impress. If I were to let myself do whatever I had to as a free being without giving any thought about me or anyone else, what would that free spirited me do?

Just curious:)

Desire

I crave the feeling of moist grass blades running between my fingers

And to feel the surface of a tree bark

I crave for droplets of mist settling on my skin

And beyond the hills, the sight of an arc.

I desire to walk bare foot on wet Earth

The mud clinging to my sole, while with each step I uproot

I desire to hear the sound of leaves beneath

As I grip the aged tree's naked root.

I wish to touch the passing cloud

And find stories in their shapes.

I wish to let my being aloud

And step into a heaven that awaits. 

I set me free

In the war against the world

You strive to keep your smile.

It's still a war in the end,

And many a time you only cry.

Don't be ashamed of tears

'cause they only remind you that you bleed.

And as for all the fears,

They tie you until you are freed.

In the journey, 

From 'you set me free' to 'I set me free',

Its the tears that blur your vision,

But the eyes that shed them will help you see.

It's still a war in the end,

It will set you free, you'll see.- Me

The heart holds many a memory....

I was probably nine, we were in Shahjahanpur, UP. I don't remember if I watched the movie or just heard this song. We did not have a radio or a television back then, so it is not possible that I had heard it too many times. I do remember that the song appealed to me very much and I used to sing it, obviously not knowing the correct words. I remember I used to sing it as 'mihale masti mukundaranjish'.:)

Soon the song was forgotten. Years passed, twenty eight of them, to be precise. Then out of the blue I find this song in the list on youtube, while I am looking for some other old hindi song. I behave like a child who just found a favorite toy that he/she had lost long ago.

I start humming it and sing it all exactly as I remember it from then. I was so surprised and weirdly amazed for those few minutes. Not because I remember the words after all these years, but just the thought of how a nine year old treasures her memories with such care. I know we have memories from our childhood but a few are kept so intact even without any dusting for years together, its quite amazing.

I listen to it on repeat many times, and once again forget about it. A few days pass, may be twenty eight of them again, and I am browsing through a few blogs and this song shows up in a comment below a post.

And now I like this feeling of, 'wow this song is really very close to my heart, it keeps coming back to me' :))) 

Rising from the dead, if you please....

            So, I have not stopped writing and I cannot thank myself enough for that. Just that I have not been blogging. Apart from writing for passion and pleasure, here and there, blame that disease called Facebook for keeping me away from sensible blogging.:)
         
            I will not say I am cured of Facebook (honesty anyone?:) but something I did today made me realize and reminded me of how fulfilling and satisfying blogging is. I clicked on Blogger after more than three years today when husband dear wanted me to create his blog. Once I did that I entered, what was 'my' space/friend/listener, a few years ago, my blog, this very one, Pure Smile, with a :).

            Reading my old posts was like taking a walk in my mind from back then, all those years ago, when my thoughts and words reflected my situations and my world then. The experience was quaint and also absorbing. What a beautiful place it was and how did I manage to abandon it, just like that?

            So here I am, I have come alive, for myself mostly. Much has transpired in these years that have passed since my last post. Many thoughts to share with you my friend. Once again be my mirror and show me my truth, my lie, my strength, my failing, my scar, my sparkle and my smile.

            For a bit, I contemplated changing the title of the blog, 'cause I know, I know, Pure Smile with a :) is kinda juvenile....but in all honesty I am still the same ..:)..see what I mean?

             So nothing changes while a lot has changed and aren't we all here to celebrate it all?

Love is a weakness...

...most of the times, I believe. This is one facet of love I guess, when you who are otherwise a person with pride and ego become shameless and weak and crave for the slightest attention that you get from your love. Is that how it is meant to be?
It gets worse when your love really doesn't care as much for you. Then each little bit of a gesture is like a chicken piece thrown to a hungry soul. As pathetic as I may sound, I am sure there will be some who know what I am saying and would probably share the same sentiments.

So, you ask yourself, 'do I have to be this desperate soul and crave for the love like this for an entire lifetime? I might as well just leave it all behind me and clear my heart of any emotions for the person and make a fresh new start.' But that's not happening and that's the sad but true part about the whole thing. You cannot get the person out of your system, try as much as you will.

hmmm such is one face of love.